I’ve been thinking about time a lot lately. I can’t articulate it. But the point is something like:
When I was younger, I, without ever knowing it, believed that as you grew older and acquired more skills and knowledge and experience, time would stretch. The more valuable you became, the more time you would be allotted by the Fates.
It seems the opposite is true…
Today, I woke up alive. An absolute miracle. Just like every waking morning before it.
What is your anti-excuse?
My mind has been sluggish and slow
And I’ve been searching to know
The cause of malaise
But I just sat up and asked
Why hasn’t this passed?
I’ve been doing too “have to”
And not enough “get to.”
My prose has been sparse lately, as I’m entering the final phase of studying for the California Bar exam. Three weeks to go, and I commit to resuming my poetry afterwards.
So I leave with a passage from Epictetus that has guided me through studying for the hardest bar exam in the country. It has been quite amazing to see how reworking my perception of the world based on Stoic principles has led me through the two and a half months of Bar studying with absolutely no stress. My peers have sought anti-anxiety medication, have become depressed, have resorted to dying their hair neon shades to cope. Yet, I’ve never felt calmer, better, more confident… I see it as an opportunity to practice composure and confidence in the face of a downward-spiraling mob. I see an opportunity to hold to my autonomous judgment of the inside joke that is the Bar exam.
“On the occasion of every event that befalls you, remember to turn to yourself and inquire what power you have for turning it to use.” Enchiridion, IX
Unto the beach,
Please come with me.
What’s on your mind,
And take your time.
[[Verse verses of a new song from the new album]]
He reigned himself
By reining in
The unwanted selves
That would have been.
Burning so brightly
And burning nightly
Is burning hardly
If not done smartly.
“You could enjoy this very moment all the things you are praying to reach by taking the long way around–if you’d stop depriving yourself of them.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 12.1
Fortune favors the bold
But also favors the old
By dint of wisdom.
So I can only ask
To learn to discern
Those that survive
From those that survived
Hostility is hospitable
As it betters and hones
Your balance and sense,
In a world of unknowns.
I only filled it when it cracked,
I only added when it lacked,
I only cured after disease,
And it left me feeling pleased.
But all of these new crucial skills
Were not worth the irreversibill,
The cost of waiting for their breaking,
Not prefending to shape their making.